Coyote's Haven - - Putting the Laughter in Slaughter...

Coyote's Haven - - Putting the Laughter in Slaughter...

Coyote The BLS Trickster

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(no subject)	[Aug. 8th, 2007\|12:10 pm]
- Prince Lyrics
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Sad message from one of Stonie's RL friends	[Jul. 19th, 2007\|10:55 am]
I’m writing this message to let you know (per my friend’s wishes) that Stonie (a.k.a. Coyote, BornAtDusk) is no longer with us. He passed away recently, and had left a note asking me (among other things) to make a post here so that you would know what happened. I was a very good friend of his, and he left me his account information. I don’t plan on using his LJ, but since it’s the only account I have access to, I’m using it to tell you what happened. Please bear with me, as I am having a hard time even typing this… On July, 13, 2007, after a prolonged depression and withdrawal from friends and family, the person whom most of you probably know best as ‘The Legend’, committed suicide. In the note he left, he claimed that he was distraught and depressed, and had been pushed over the edge after reading that some named 'Steven Rogers' had died. While the details of his suicide are still somewhat unknown, what we do know is this: Sometime around 10:00 am on the 13th of this month, Stonie swallowed the contents of an entire bottle of sleeping pills. Then, sometime around 10:15 am, he drove his car into a tree on the side of the road at about 50 mph. He was thrown clear of the wreckage, however, and he laid on the side of the road for some time until he whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said ‘FRESH’ and it had dice in the mirror. If anything, he could say that this cab was rare, but he thought, “Nah, forget it. Yo holmes, to Bel Air!” He pulled up to a house, about 7 or 8, and he yelled to the cabby, “Yo holmes, smell ya later!” He looked at his kingdom, he was finally there, to sit on his throne as the Prince of Bel Air. Stonie passed away 20 minutes later. He will be missed.
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(no subject)

[Jul. 16th, 2007|02:38 pm]

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"

The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

----------------

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created.

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the casue was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don''t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.

The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."

------

Two goldfish were in their tank.
One turns to the other and says,
"You man the guns, I'll drive."

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(no subject)	[Jun. 27th, 2007\|02:46 pm]
- Stone Sour Lyrics
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(no subject)

[Jun. 18th, 2007|02:26 pm]

[	Current Location	\|	Work	]
[	Current Mood	\|	content	]
[	Current Music	\|	Through Glass - Stone Sour	]

Okay, so I took Friday off from writing to you and thought about this subject over the weekend. You may not agree with some of the views posted here. but that's fine. You don't have to. That's what makes it MY journal. MY beliefs. MY religion. But you're reading it anyway. So shut up.

We're talking about your role at the trickster and helping other people find the laughter, even if they don't think they want to.

There's several different ways to approach every situation. Taking the easy way out is not what the Trickster expects of you. He expects you to take the most FUN way out. For each situation you can apply a different face of the Trickster to the problem to fix it. Look at this.

Subject A. Worn out, stressed out, over-worked house Mom. Apply Kokopelli and she'll go out on the town, dance til she's sore, watch a good movie, and leave all her cares and worries for tomorrow, at least for the night. Apply Loki to the same situation and he may not be as nice about it. Instead, her car breaks down and her kids end up with a stomach bug, throwing up everywhere. How does that help? It shows her that the day before wasn't so bad. That's her life, she learns to love it, everyday.

Subject B. Haughty, bigheaded jock who likes to push around the little people. Quick to anger, quick to start a fight, and quick to call a name. Loki would use his anger against him and kick his ass. Show him that he's not the biggest; there's -always- someone bigger than you are. Apply Coyote and he might humiliate the jock. Point out his flaws, best him at something the other thought he was good at. Kick his ass a game of pool, steal his girlfriend, or make the jock the butt of jokes that even his good friends laugh at. Sure, this might end up in a fight, but it wouldn't be Coyote's doing, it would be the jock. The jock COULD see the error of his ways, realize it's no fun to be picked on by getting a taste of his own medicine.

Now, those are extreme cases. What about everyday life? Simple jokes, even just a smile, can change someone's day. Have fun with your day and other people will pick up on that. Go to work with a smile on your face. Sing your favorite song to yourself as you re-stock the supplies. Walk in determined to be in a good mood and you will be. Smile. Laugh. It's hard sometimes, but that's the price you pay. Your a trickster. You don't have a choice. If you think you do, you're not a trickster.

I used to work in a gas station. I was having a bad night, bored out of my mind, hungry, tired of standing in one place saying "Please come inside to pay". Then old man comes in. Ancient old dude. Crapped out car. He pulls up to a pump, bops into the store, and says "Merrrrrrry Christmas!" It was fuckin' May. Instantly there was a smile on my face. This guy was havin' fun. "I need ten dollars worth of gas-o-fuel on that P.O.S... I mean, uh... that fine automobile on pump number 4!" Yes, sir. Right away. Anything else I can do for ya? "No, thank you, my boy. That'll do it. You have a nice day and come back to see me!" and then he bops back out. Pumps his gas and he's gone. I never saw him again. Crazy old dude on the run after escaping from the mental hospital? Perhaps. Or maybe he was a trickster, seeing my own glum night and deciding to brighten it up for me. Who knows, that could have been Coyote himself. Whoever he was, he made my night. And now when I go into a gas station to pay for gas, or stop for groceries, I'm the crazy old dude who grins, winks, and says "Thank you very much, come back and see me." Always gets a smile. Always gets a laugh. Always a Trickster.

Now, tomorrow I could bore you with rites and spells and rituals for the Trickster. I could tell you on what days to keep holy. But really, you can get that from any new age wiccan book. I'll give you some tips though. The New Moon is called the Trickster Moon. Anything to do with the Trickster will be stronger during the No-Moon phase.

Oh, and here's some reading material. These are books you've gotta read.

How To Ride A Broomstick - Silver RavenWolf
Nocturnal Witchcraft - Konstantinos
And, you can NEVER go wrong with Google. Come on, you're a Trickster! Learn for yourself! Don't let anyone tell you how to believe or how to practice that belief. Now, before I let you go I want to leave you with some quotes to think about. Just some little snips of stuff to get you thinking.

"You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because you have no idea how much shit you're in."

"Moderatio est figmentum - Control is an illusion"

“In the name of the best within you, do not sacrifice this world to those who are its worst. In the name of the values that keep you alive, do not let your vision of man be distorted by the ugly, the cowardly, the mindless in those who have never achieved his title. Do not lose your knowledge that man's proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads. Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it's yours.” ~Atlas shrugged

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. ~e.e. cummings

So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter. ~Gordon W. Allport

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. ~Kurt Vonnegut

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book. ~Irish Proverb

With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die. ~Abraham Lincoln

Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is by far the best ending for one.
- Oscar Wilde (Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde)

Care to our coffin adds a nail, no doubt;
And every Grin, so merry, draws one out.
- Dr. John Wolcot (Wolcott) (used pseudonym Peter Pindar),
Expostulatory Odes (ode 15)

"If you ain't havin' fun then it ain't worth doin'." - Stonie R Williams

If you have any questions, comments, or want to offer me a contract to write a New Age book based on my religion, please e-mail me at stonierma@yahoo.com

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Coyote Road part 2

[Jun. 14th, 2007|01:59 pm]

[	Current Location	\|	Work	]
[	Current Mood	\|	contemplative	]
[	Current Music	\|	Nothing. My head hurts. Now stop looking down here and read the post.	]

Okay, so we're gonna talk about what it means to be a trickster on a day-to-day basis. Tricksters are hardly ever well liked; even amongst other tricksters. We laugh too much, hardly ever take anything seriously, and love to laugh at other people. If you slip and fall, I will laugh at you. If I slip and fall, I expect you to be right there point and laughing.

That guy yelling at you on the other end of the phone. What he is yelling over... is it really that important? Is it really so important that he has to let himself get that upset and put that much energy into being that unhappy? Bottom line- IT. DOESN'T. MATTER. Whatever he's yelling over is not so important that he needs to make himself unhappy, and you shouldn't get that unhappy over it either. Yes, I'm sure whatever he's going through sucks pretty bad. But in 100 years no one on earth will even remember it ever happened. You'll both be dead and it will be completely irrelevant. Kinda ironic, huh? That's the point. It's funny. Laugh at this man. Maybe not over the phone, or even out loud, but find the humor in this and don't let yourself become angry and waste that energy on someone and something so utterly unimportant.

Let me share with you a problem I faced personally, and give you an example of what NOT laughing can do to you.

I was having a rough time. Work wasn't going well, I was arguing with my mother - things were just really glum for me. I didn't want to go to work because I had clients that were causing me problems. I didn't want to even get up in the morning. I went probably a whole week where I dreaded the next day. I could not WAIT to go home, eat, and get some sleep. I go to use my bank card. It declined. What the crap? I KNOW I have nearly $100 in the bank. I double check everything. I go out to the bank website... and my accounts frozen. Apparently, my boss was sending my child support payments to the wrong address. So I was $3,000 in the hole. Apparently, they never changed the amount I was supposed to pay either. see, we signed papers changing it from $200 to $35 a month. They never changed it, and never got payments, so locked up my bank account. Now I'm broke, days until payday, and not even sure how I'm gonna cash the check once I get it!

I get home, talking it over with my wife, she just looks at me and smiles. How can she not be as stressed out as I am!? She looks at me "It's gonna be okay." How??? "I dunno, it just is. I ain't stressin'."

So here's this good little Adventist girl. Thinking exactly the way I should be. It was a huge punch in the crotch. I look back at everything and just start to laugh. I didn't look to find the humor in my problems and Coyote had to send me a reminder. I laughed, and laughed. The people at work were fighting amongst themselves and bringing me down with them. They spent all that energy and time into what? Nothing that matters. Were the problems I was having with my mom really that important? No. Just disagreements. Nothing that really matters in the end. And the money? it's just money. I was stressed out because I didn't have enough crab salad for my club crackers. When I was little I had baloney and cheese to eat. Not crab salad and crackers. How spoiled I had become! Eat some Ramon Noodles and suck it up, man! You'll figure something out. The world is not coming to an end. And if it does, SO WHAT? You'll be dead and it won't matter anymore. Dead people hardly ever care about the world ending.

THE NEXT DAY after I realized how silly I was being, I got an email from Child Support services. They realized the problems, fixed the payments, and credited my account. Sorry for the inconvenience.

The Trickster punishes you for not finding the laughter, but rewards you when you do. "What reward" you might ask? He just gave me back what I had in the first place, right? No. I was laughing again. I enjoyed going to work. I still wanted to sleep a lot, but then again I always do.

You have to enjoy life. Every second of it. You have to have fun. If you ain't havin' fun then it ain't worth doin'. You really have to apply that way of thinking to everything you do, everyday. You CAN control your life. You CAN control whether or not you're happy, you just have to choose to. You have to MAKE your day go well. It's really that easy.

Tomorrow I'll talk about how you can help other find the laughter...

Whether they want it or not.

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Coyote Road

[Jun. 13th, 2007|12:53 pm]

[	Current Location	\|	Work	]
[	Current Mood	\|	curious	]
[	Current Music	\|	The buzz of the Viva-E	]

Trickster takes many forms. Through this piece he will be referred by many names. Coyote, Pan, Kokopelli, Briccriu, Crow, Raven, Rabbit, Loki, Fox(Kitstune); amongst others. What form of the Trickster you follow is, as always, entirely up to you. The Trickster is many things to many people but he is always a teacher. He teaches us to laugh at others, ourselves, and our problems. Without laughter there is no life. Without humor everyone would cry all the time. Trickster reminds us to find the laughter in everything. This is catalogs my belief in the Trickster and his path. This is the Coyote Road.

Everyday we are faced with problems and dilemmas. Drama and trauma. Everyday. War, disease, starvation... our world is getting pretty bleak. Just turn on the evening news. It's wrought with depressing stories. But the Trickster reminds us that in all of this, amidst all the hate and the death there is humor. You just have to find it. And in finding that laughter the Trickster will reward you. You can't take anything too seriously. This life is fleeting. It'll be over soon. Nothing is so important that you can't laugh at . Nothing. You can take any problem and find the laughter in it. But following the Trickster's path isn't just about finding the laughter for yourself. it's about helping other find it as well. but we'll get to that in a moment. Let's talk about the aspects of the Trickster and the many faces he wears.

Coyote is many things through out the Native American culture. He is a creator, destroyer, buffoon and lustful vagabond. But above all, he teaches people to laugh. Either tricking them and showing them the error of their ways, or by being the jester and showing them what NOT to do, Coyote is ever the teacher.

Loki is very much a destructive child. Lord of Fire and Magic, he brings about the end of the world by a harmful practical joke. This can be as much a lesson to other tricksters as it is a lesson for everyone else. During a playful contest, throwing things at Baldur who is said to be indestructible, Loki finds out that he's vulnerable only to the Holly plant, and therefore gives the god of winter, who is blind, an arrow made of Holly, and suggests that he try to harm Baldur. Well, everyone else doesn't know the arrow is made of Holly, and the blind man kills Baldur. Everyone is vulnerable to something. But even jokes could cause problems. Loki is always causing fights and often is taken as the patron of warring tricksters, or tricksters about to go into battle.

Kokopelli was a lover and a party-boy. It's said that he would wander from town to town, village to village, and where ever he went he would play his flute. People would stop working, hunting, fighting, and they would all spend an entire day rejoicing and making merry. He would play music, make love, and disappear by morning. Renewing everyone's thirst for life. His likeness is seen all through out the southwest as a reminder that every once in a while, you should drop everything and just enjoy life.

Briccriu (Bricriu, Briccirne, Bricne), is a warrior, poet and troublemaker in the Ulster Cycle of Irish Mythology.
He once held a lavish feast for Conchobar mac Nessa and the heroes of Ulster in his house at Dún Rudraige (modern Dundrum, County Down), but knowing his reputation the Ulstermen had to be threatened to attend. First Briccriu threatened to set the Ulster warriors at odds with each other, then to set father against son and mother against daughter, but the Ulstermen finally agreed to come when he threatened to set the two breasts of each Ulster woman beating against each other. I think that really speaks for itself. Know your enemies weaknesses and use it against them, no matter how absurd it might seem, there's laughter in it.

Kitsune are often presented as tricksters, with motives that vary from mischief to malevolence. Stories tell of kitsune playing tricks on overly proud samurai, greedy merchants, and boastful commoners, while the crueler ones abuse poor tradesmen and farmers or devout Buddhist monks. Their victims are usually men; women are possessed instead. For example, kitsune are thought to employ their kitsune-bi or fox-fire to lead travelers astray in the manner of a will o' the wisp. Another tactic is for the kitsune to confuse its target with illusions or visions. Other common goals of trickster kitsune include seduction, theft of food, humiliation of the prideful, or vengeance for a perceived slight. A traditional game called kitsune-ken (fox-fist) references the kitsune's powers over human beings. The game is similar to rock, paper, scissors, but the three hand positions signify a fox, a hunter, and a village headman. The headman beats the hunter, whom he outranks; the hunter beats the fox, whom he shoots; the fox beats the headman, whom he bewitches.

Alright. Tomorrow, or later today, I'll talk more about how you can find the laughter, using the different faces of the trickster, in your own daily life.

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(no subject)

[Mar. 8th, 2006|05:40 pm]

[	Current Mood	\|	apathetic	]
[	Current Music	\|	Nails on chalkboard in my mind	]

try try try try try try try try try

And I'm still behind.

Work work work work work work work.
And it's just now seeming like it's enough for you.

Push push pushpushpushpushpushpushpush

And nothing ever goes anywhere.

Money doesn't mean a thing. But it means everything.

Time is relative. It's everyone's closest enemy.

Love is blind. And deaf and mute. With a limp.

I'm just killin' time. And time's killin' me.

People in hell want ice water. but they have no idea what they'd do with it once they got it.

I pay. And pay. and pay. Not for her. But for my sins. My lies. How much does ignorance cost? I'll show you the bill.

What does that make us?
-Big damn heroes, Sir.
Ain't we just.

Little boy used to say the sweetest prayers. Then jump into bed, afraid that I was under there.

And I was.

Mother is the name for god on the lips of all children.

Yippie-kie-aye, mother fucker.

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Behind Blue Eyes

[Jan. 27th, 2006|09:30 am]

[	Current Mood	\|	contemplative	]
[	Current Music	\|	Machine Gun Man - Zakk Wylde	]

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows
What it's like to be hated
To be faded to telling only lies
[chorus]
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscious seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like i do, and i blame you!
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain woe
Can show through
[chorus]
Discover l.i.m.p. say it [x4]
No one knows what its like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes
No one know how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry
I'm not telling lies
[chorus]
No one knows what its like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes.

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waiting....... waiting...... waiting......

[Dec. 7th, 2005|05:33 pm]

[	Current Mood	\|	blah	]
[	Current Music	\|	Rust - BLS	]

Crouched on the corner of the rooftop, 'Yote followed the movements of something that skittered like prey. While not being a true hunter, 'Yote could not resist the jerky, cowardly movements that his food normally took.

Food always moves the same. Cowards always try to trick you. This way and that. Turning this corner, only to double back and go the other way. Smile and say one thing while they're head screams something sinister, something that would likely getting it bitten off if said outloud...

So 'Yote stalks his food. Watches it. Waits for the right moment to strike. It's all a game. Cat and mouse. 'Yote and cowardly bitch. Can't let them know they've lost. Or they fight harder. They tend to bite when they're scared. Even small cuts can bleed like fuck. You have to wait and give it just at the right moment, when they have all the hope in the world.

That's what tastes sweeter. Their defeat. Their loss of hope. Taking that away from them is sweeter and tastes so much better than the meat you get from cowards. Mice. Skittering little vermin.

But like all tricksters, 'Yote gets impatient. He can't keep from lashing out. Patience is not a virtue tricksters hold close very often. But, if the prank is worth it... if it's going to cause enough laughs.... tricksters can wait. wait. for the right moment.

wait.

wait.

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A song for the hopeful

[Nov. 22nd, 2005|10:59 am]

[	Current Mood	\|	complacent	]
[	Current Music	\|	Fly From The Inside - Shinedown	]

Here's the weight of the world on my shoulders
Here's the weight of the world on my shoulders
On my shoulders
All alone I pierce the chain
And on and on the sting remains
And dieing eyes consume me now
The voice inside screams out loud

[Chorus:]
I am focused on what I am after
The key to the next open chapter
Cause I found a way to steal the sun from the sky
Long live that day that I decided to fly from the inside

Every day a new deception
Pick your scene and take direction
And on and on I search to connect
But I don't wear a mask and I have no regrets

I am focused on what I am after
The key to the next open chapter

[Chorus]

I can't escape the pain
I can't control the rage
Sometimes I think that I'm gonna go insane
I'm not against what's right
I'm not for what's wrong
I'm just making my way and I'm gone

Here's the weight of the world on my shoulders

[Chorus x2]

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(no subject)	[Nov. 11th, 2005\|09:40 pm]
She's gone.... Tulsa Police called me last night. Said that even though my daughter has been with me for 5 months, if I dont' give her back now because her mother has changed her mind, they'll issue an Amber Alert and I'll go to jail. I had to let her go. I had to give her up. I had to hand her over to that... that... Gods, help me. My daughter is everywhere I look, and no where in reach. Coyote cannot help me now. Jovial pranks cannot win this. I need something stronger. Something.... warrior. Loki... Help me. Guide my hand...
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I thought you couldn't take the sky from me...

[Nov. 11th, 2005|09:38 am]

[	Current Mood	\|	crushed	]
[	Current Music	\|	Thank You Child - Zakk Wylde	]

My daughter came to me nearly five months ago. She was malnurished and underdeveloped. She was a year old and still wearing 3month clothes. She didn't know what kisses were. She didn't know what hugs were. She was drinking from solely a bottle, with nothing but milk. No solid foods. At a year old.

Since I've had her, she's gained nearly 20lbs. She's completely on solid foods, no more bottles. She can kiss, hug, give five, speak in nearly whole sentences and makes up her own mind about everything. She's happy. Healthy. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I taught her these things. My family taught her these things.

Her mother stuck her in day care 24/7 and didn't bother trying to actually BE a mother. She didn't pick up any books or ask for any advice. There was no development, there was no teaching... While other children Kate's age are talking and learning a new word every day, I'm still struggling with 'cup'. Every word I teach her is a milestone and a great accomplishment. I'm so proud of her. And at the same time... it's bittersweet. She shouldn't have been left behind. She's a smart girl. She should have been given the chance to be better.

And now? Her mother is trying to take her from me. Take her from everything she's known for the last five months. She does the same things everyday. You take a child away from that and it will seriously damage them. Emotionally and mentally. She gets up every day at the same time. Will that happen at your house? She sits on the couch, with me, and watches our favorite tv show for 45 minutes. Will that happen at your house? No. I won't be there. It won't be the same. Once a week her PaPa Bob comes to see his Katie. Will that happen at your house?

"I'm not trying to take your daughter away from you". By her leaving this house for more than one day, you damage her. By her leaving this house at all, that's way from me. For once, I'd like to not be the only one who thinks about what's best for Kate. For once I'd like to think that there's someone else who is willing to put down all their selfish wants and desires and do what's best for that little girl. She deserves it. She's come so far....

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Anger. Maybe some Shame on the side.

[Nov. 2nd, 2005|08:09 am]

[	Current Mood	\|	contemplative	]
[	Current Music	\|	Better Version - ShineDown	]

I get her back after she spends the night with her mother.

The exchange of a child from one parent to the other. I've done it a million times. Each time, when she leaves, she's happy. Getting spoiled. Something new to do. No rules. Never hearing 'no'...

When she returns... it's like she hates you. She doesn't want to come back. She's found Never Never Land and you're forcing her to never fly again. Bastards.

But the sister. When it was her turn... she cried for a different reason...

-He- told her that we were bad. That we were going to hurt her. Even at age two they understand when a parent says "bad" and "hurt". Even at two years old they understand when a parent says the police will come and take them away from Mommy and Daddy.

Infuriating. Gods, I want to put an end to it. I want to do bad things and make it better. I want to be the monster that the world expects me to be so that it's all okay.
My mother.
The great state of Oklahoma.
My ex.
They all assume me to be a tyrant. A monster.

Maybe I am.

Or maybe I should be.

Maybe that's what they need me to be.

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(no subject)

[Nov. 2nd, 2005|08:04 am]

[	Current Mood	\|	thoughtful	]
[	Current Music	\|	Been A Long Time - BLS	]

The death, the lies, in lies the truth
All that it is, what was, ain't true
I was down but now I can see
The pain, the hurt, the misery

Oh lord, it's been a long time
Doing my best I'll try and get it next time

This cross you bare I've come to carry for you
This cross you bare I've come to break it in two
I was down but now I can see
The pain, the hurt, the misery

Oh lord, it's been a long time
Doing my best I'll try and get it next time

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